I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Shitshow foam night was such a success
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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