Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
