It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
And then he peed in my hair
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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