its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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