I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
