His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
