Will you blow on my dice?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
