I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Acid is not a monday night drug
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
