So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
