she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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