your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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