Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
