before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
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