i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
