OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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