This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
