Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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