So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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