Umm I'm too high to move.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
