No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Ladies don't puke and tell
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
