I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Randomize
