...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Randomize
