How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
