We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
