Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
