We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize