first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
