remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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