i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
