This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
