i think i have two assholes
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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