I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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