k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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