I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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