so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
