the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
no you cant smoke seaweed
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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