I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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