Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
