Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Randomize
