hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
It was confusing and full of hummus
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
