I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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