I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
They are going to name an STD after you.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
