i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
