You don't have asthma, your pregnant
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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