sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
