sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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