just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
