They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I think I sprained my soul last night
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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