Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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