This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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