If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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