I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I pour the whiskey from now on
He did a backflip because drugs
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