Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
