her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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