they need to just BURY HIM!
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
