White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
