my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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