PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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