yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
