You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
