is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
