I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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