I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
