Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Barsexuality is the new black.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
