Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
only if we run a train.
done.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
being pregnant is like rehab
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
