wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
