I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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