you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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