Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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