I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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