; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
