Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
even my farts smell like vagina
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I forget how to act sober
Randomize